I'm no Core Party Member
I'm not your Bedrock Vote
I'm not your Grin, your Handshake -
I've not turned my coat.

I'm not Michael Foot
Or Paul Foot either.
I'm not a Derek Hatton
Not a Militant survivor.

Not a Naïf or a Mug,
Nor a Traitor nor a Flunky,
Not a Flying Picket thug,
Nor Defeatist junky.

No I'm no Tony Benn -
I won't chop off your ... queen
I'm not a Madman, you're not threatened
By anything obscene.

Not Sheridan, not Galloway
And, though I boil with anger
In no way am I martial -
Nor Marshall Andrews

I'm not in the Ivy,
Party plotting's not my function;
I'm not your Tam Dayell.
I'm not Private Eye at luncheon.

And if selling Lies and Wars
Ensures my country is defamed, well ...
I'm neither Glenda Jackson
Nor am I ashamed.

And if You don't like my Viewpoint
You can sodding well lump it -
I'm no Dave-Spart-with-a-Marxist-Heart
Nor Saddamist's Trumpet.

I'm not your Victim Of Bereavement
Not your Exile Of The Year
No shadow of Diana ...
'Big Ears' need not fear!

I'm not the ghost of Castle
I'm not the shade of Pollit
Make me a promise to "Keep Your Word" -
And You'll fail to recall it!

'Cos I'm not your Party Faithful
I'm not your Volunteer
I'm no Star-Struck Fool
Who's fooled that You're Sincere

No, I'm no core party member
Not Your bedrock vote
I'm not Your grin, Your handshake
And I've NOT Turned My Coat.

                    (Apologies to Liz Lochead)